


All The Joy That Could Be

by nurselaney



Series: The Cactus Tree [6]
Category: Hardy Boys - Franklin W. Dixon, Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (TV), Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene, Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Super Mysteries - Franklin W. Dixon & Carolyn Keene
Genre: 1970's, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Vietnam, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-OT3, Pre-Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-07-28 07:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7631266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nurselaney/pseuds/nurselaney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy doesn’t notice it, not at first. She’s just so happy and relieved to have Ned home, alive and home, she doesn’t see the way he holds her at arm’s length. The way he holds everyone at arm’s length, as if he’s afraid of what may happen if he allows them to be close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nancy doesn’t notice it, not at first. She’s just so happy and _relieved_ to have Ned home, _alive_ and _home_ , she doesn’t see the way he holds her at arm’s length. The way he holds everyone at arm’s length, as if he’s afraid of what may happen if he allows them to be close.

The realization of how changed he is, how changed their relationship is, takes a while to sink in for her. She’s working a case and there’s some danger involved, because of course there is. Because it’s a smuggling ring dealing in rare and exotic animals, most of which are on the endangered species list and _obviously_ people in a cutthroat business are going to be cutthroat with an amateur detective trying to expose them. Nancy’s under no illusions as to what could happen if she gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And Ned, _gorgeous Ned_ , jumps right in. He goes with her on every foray into River Heights’ criminal underworld, just as he always has. Only, there’s something different, something darker, more razor sharp to his movements. The way he insists on always going in first to a room or warehouse, the way he scopes it out before allowing her to enter, the way he keeps a switchblade in his pocket and a hunting knife in his boot.

The way he always insists on having his back to the wall and a full view of the room.

The way he’d panicked and pushed her into an alley and held her close, covering her body with his when he heard a car backfiring the other day. It had taken ten minutes for him to completely calm down, his body tense, his eyes wary, fingers twitching near the pocket holding his knife.

It breaks her heart to see him like this.

                It should have been a warning sign, the way he’d acted on the case, but she is still unprepared for the change when there is no case. When there isn’t any reason for him to worry that she might be abducted by smugglers or killed by gangs. Nancy isn’t in any danger and Ned…Ned acts as though he has completed a mission and must therefore be exempt from any further interaction with Nancy or the rest of the gang.

She tries to get him to come to the bar they all hang out at, the one George and Joe play at. He turns her down every time, claiming exhaustion, prior obligations, _homework_ even. George invites him to the campus party at Billy’s place, Bess invites him to the Labor Day cookout at her parents’ _, Frank_ even invites him to get breakfast with them, but he turns down each and every invitation with a wry, apologetic smile and a downward glance.

                _It hurts_ and she doesn’t know what hurts the most, the fact that he won’t let her help him or the fact that she _doesn’t know how_ _to help him anyway_.

 

* * *

 

“You okay?”

Nancy startles at the sound of Frank’s voice over her shoulder, a shiver runs down her spine at the feel of his breath near her ear. Frank is an anomaly she hadn’t expected, his presence both soothing and shocking in its vibrancy. Before she’d met Frank, she’d known where her heart stood, she loved Ned and Ned loved her. Now… she feels torn and greedy, wanting both of them and incapable of choosing only one. Of course, she may not have to choose, what with Ned seeming to no longer want her now that he’s back from his government sponsored trip abroad.

She sighs and glances back at him before returning her gaze to the bookshelf in front of her. “I’m fine.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Frank raise an eyebrow and purse his lips. He’s not going to let it go. After minutes of silence, she gives in.

“I think Ned wants to break up, but he wants me to say it.” She says morosely. “He keeps pushing me away and I wasn’t sure at first, but I think that I might be lying to myself when I think that we can get through this.”

The look on Frank’s face is almost constipated, he’s so obviously uncomfortable with the turn the conversation has taken but doesn’t want to say anything because he’s _Frank_ and he’s there for her when she needs him, no matter what.

“My Grandfather fought in the first world war, my Dad said…” Frank sighs and rubs his hand across his face. “War changes people, Nance. It’s not pretty. You need to give him time.” He turns and gives her a sympathetic smile, “I don’t think he’s trying to leave you, I think he’s trying to protect you from the person he’s become.”

Nancy knows this, deep down she’s known all along that Ned still loves her and that everything wrong between them now is a direct product of his time in _fucking Nam_. She wishes it wasn’t because this…this is something she can’t fix, she can’t make it better, she can’t _solve_ it and it breaks her heart. She takes a shaky breath in and fuck, she’s _crying_. The tears are gathering in her eyes; she blinks hard to fight them back. Nancy _hates_ crying, hates the way that once she starts she can’t stop. She never cries.

“I know,” She says, her voice cracking as a single tear slips gently down her cheek; a warning of the proverbial dam about to break. “I know, I just… he’s hurting me Frank.” The tears are coming faster and her breathing is starting to come in gasps. Frank’s face looks panicked as he reaches out and pulls her in, rests her head on his shoulder and wraps his arms around her, shushing her softly.

“I love him so much; I don’t want to lose him,” She sobs into Frank’s shoulder, “But I think I am.”

When she finally calms down and tells Frank that she’s okay, he leaves her with a face that looks like thunder.

 

* * *

 

The next day, she’s re-writing her notes for her sociology exam when there’s a tentative knock at her bedroom door. She opens it to find Ned standing there. His eyes are intense, apologetic and burning.

“That punk friend of yours showed up at my house yesterday.” He starts off. “Punched me in the face and then talked some sense into me.”

Nancy flushes, of course Frank did that. She should have known he would. She feels that familiar warmth inside her chest that feels something like love for her friend.

“I love you. Nancy, _I love you_.” Ned’s eyes are setting her on fire and stealing her breath away. His voice is rough, emotional. “I don’t want to lose you, but I’m not the same man you used to know. I’m different, I’ve… I’ve _done_ things, Nancy.” He looks away from her as if ashamed. “I’ve done things and I’ve seen things and I come home and you are still so… good and _hopeful_ and _passionate_ and I’m afraid that this thing that I’ve become will snuff out your beautiful, beautiful hope.”

She reaches out and cups his cheek in her hand, his eyes flutter close as she whispers, “ _Ned_.”

“I know that I’ve been going about this all wrong. I was just so afraid…” He opens his eyes, reaches his hand up to clasp hers, presses a kiss to the inside of her wrist. “Will you forgive me? Will you, Nancy? I want…I want to start over, try this again.”

“Of course.” She whispers and feels sunlight break through the clouds inside of her.


	2. Chapter 2

When Frank was eight years old, his mother died in a car accident. There was always some suspicion about whether or not it wasn’t really an accident, whether or not it was related to one of his father’s cases. Frank knows what his dad thinks about it.

But before Laura Sanchez Hardy died, Frank used to watch his parents dance.

Laura had been a professional ballroom dancer, Fenton had met her when he was under cover one evening, chasing down a lead on a mafia case, and she’d completely swept the young detective off his feet.

There were many nights in Frank’s childhood where he would crawl out of bed and sit on the stairs and watch his mother and father dance around the living room to the sound of Sinatra, Ray Charles, and Johnny Otis. They were so in love, even now that he’s grown up and his memories of his mother are fuzzy and fading, he remembers that.

All he wants is that same kind of love for himself.

Sitting here at the bar watching Nancy and Ned dancing to Donna Summers, he sees everything he wants for himself. Frank doesn’t want to be jealous. He just wants.

 

* * *

 

Ned sees the look in Frank’s eyes, sees the longing, the desire. He’s known Frank is in love with Nancy since before he met him. The descriptions of Frank in Nancy’s letters, the dialogue from their interactions… Ned’s not stupid, he knows what it is to be in love with Nancy Drew.

A normal guy would be pissed. A normal guy would pull Frank Hardy into an alley or back room and give him a reason to stay away from another man’s girl.

Ned is not a normal guy though, and even if he was, Nancy is not a normal girl. Ned could never fool himself into believing that Nancy belonged to him, if anything it’s the other way around. He is hers for as long as she wants him to be. If she needs more than what he can give, he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she gets it.

He swings Nancy closer to where Frank is leaning up against the bar and spins her around to push her toward Frank with a wink. The look on Nancy’s face is surprised at first before breaking into the soft smile she always gives Frank, so similar to the one Ned knows is reserved for him. Frank seems panicked as Nancy wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him onto the dancefloor.

 

* * *

 

There’s something about the way Nancy feels in his arms, she feels like home. She always has.

Her hair smells like flowers as she rests her head against his shoulder, Frank feels too big for his skin, awkward, clumsy, sweaty because he’s nervous. Ned Nickerson probably never feels this uncool.

“Stop it.”

Nancy’s voice startles him out of his panic, and Frank looks down to see her peering up at him from beneath her eyelashes.

“Relax, Frank. Enjoy the moment.”

The song changes from Donna singing “I love to love you baby” to the Jackson 5’s Michael singing “Just call my name and I'll be there” and Frank pulls Nancy closer in his arms and thinks that no matter what happens, he will never love anyone else as much as he loves the woman in his arms.

 

* * *

 

There are a few things that everyone generally agrees are scary. Giant spiders for instance; very scary. Also zombies, dolls, and demon possession and that’s just looking at what the movies are saying these days.

Frank is of the opinion that Nancy Drew’s “this asshole is going down” face should be added to the list.

“Nance, we can’t just go busting in there to find a clue. There’s too many goons around, we need to wait until they leave.”

Maybe it’s Nickerson’s influence, (okay so it’s definitely because of Nickerson) but lately Frank’s been a lot more careful about sleuthing. Getting caught and then getting rescued and having your ass kicked by your partner’s boyfriend loses its charm after a while.

Nancy actually growls at him, never once taking her eyes off of the door to the warehouse that contains all of the evidence they need to take down the exotic animal smuggling operation being run out of River Heights’ port. “Fine. But we’re not leaving without evidence.”

Frank sighs and leans back in his seat. He hates stakeouts. Endless waiting, watching goons pick their noses and catcall unfortunate female pedestrians… it’s not his thing. Nancy however… Nancy thrives on stakeouts. She says she does her best thinking while waiting for something else to happen.

* * *

 

Three hours, a cheeseburger, and two Hershey bars later, Frank is halfway between reality and the Land of Nod. Nancy has been monitoring the enemy troop movements, making notes in the chicken scratch she calls handwriting. Her hair is sticking up in all directions from continuously running her hands through it in frustration. There’s a smear of ketchup on her shirt and gray pencil dust on her fingertips.

She looks gorgeous.

His eyes are half closed, a sleepy, amused smile on his face, when suddenly Nancy sits straight up and then throws herself at him.

“What the fu-” Frank manages right before her lips crash onto his. Her seatbelt is unbuckled so she slides over into his lap easily, her elbow only hitting the horn once.

“They saw the car.” Nancy murmurs between kisses, “Two of ‘em headed this way to check us out.” Her hand slides through his hair, and _god_ now is not the time for his dick to be getting interested. “We’re just two college kids making out, they’ll go away.”

As far as deflection tactics go, kissing is definitely one of the better options. Frank just hopes that Nancy doesn’t feel just how much he’s enjoying it.

A burly, scowling dock worker taps on his window and they pretend to be surprised as they break apart, Nancy once again hitting the horn on the steering wheel.

“Listen, punk, this is a restricted area. You and your girl need to find yourselves another hot spot, okay?”

Frank pretends to be frustrated while Nancy noisily protests their eviction with some B.S. about the perfect harbor sunset view being oh so romantic.

“Do I look like I give a shit, princess? Get outta here!”

Frank starts the car and hollers a “Fine! Whatever, man, don’t get your panties in a twist!” as he rolls the window back up. Nancy flops back into the passenger seat as he speeds off before the guy can take a shot at his tires.

“So close, fuck, we were so close.”

Frank glances into the rearview to make sure they’re not being followed as he tries to console her. “We can come back, you got a lot of info already, we can come back.”

It’s only after he drops Nancy off at her place and is driving home that the fact that he just made out with Nancy Drew in his car really hits him.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t talk to her for three days, he’s so busy panicking about the car incident. Frank knows that there’s no way she didn’t notice how enthusiastically he responded to her, the way his arms had wrapped around her, his hands carding through her hair as his hips pressed up towards hers, the hardness in his jeans seeking the friction of her body.

There is no way she doesn’t know how much he wants her now, and he cannot bear to face her.

 

* * *

 

On day four, his doorbell rings and she’s stands there patiently with a smile on her face.

“I’m in love with you.” Nancy says simply, and his heart flies straight off of a cliff and into the ocean of too many feelings to name.

“Ned knows.” She continues, as calmly as if she were discussing the weather and not the fact that she feels the same way about him as he does about her. “I’m in love with him too, Frank. I love you both and I want you both and I’ve felt greedy and shameful for wanting more than I should but I know you want me too and…” Nancy pauses, pulls her lower lip between her teeth, tears at the flesh there, almost making it bleed with sudden insecurity; anxious in the light of his stunned silence.

Her hand stretches out to touch his face and he breathes in deeply, almost gasping, when she touches him. “Ned understands, he told me so. He understands and he’s okay with it. Frank, do you understand?”

Nancy is not like other girls, she could never be like other girls, she gives so much and she needs so much. Her heart is big enough for two, she would require two hearts in return.

“I understand,” Frank replies in a voice he barely recognizes as his own. “I understand, Nance.” He reaches for her, pulls her into his arms, and presses his forehead to hers. “I’m okay with it too.”


End file.
